Oh, isn’t it, the football? Hmm? Association soccer – the soccer experience? The piped-in chants of racial abuse, the empty stadia (notice how I used the correct term for the plural of stadium there?), sad, isn’t it? If a defender is nutmegged in a forest with no crowd to cheer, does it make any sound? Or something. The Euros, the Olympics and Wimbledon are all off! How are you coping, Ron? ‘Pandemonium isn’t it? Wasn’t it?’ … Paul Whitehouse as Ron Manager.

When you get off, wash your hands and sanitise your PPE – your personal pipe end. On entry, remember to smile with your eyes, it doesn’t matter what you’re really thinking because they won’t be able to see you behind your mask. The front entrance generally sees more traffic and can be a honey trap for germs. First, consider entering via the lesser-used rear entrance.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s very much like making love to a beautiful woman. It looks fairly straightforward, even if you’re sticking to the government guidelines. But I have seen people using a bus on the television.

To get me on to a bus they will have to prise the steering wheel out of my cold dead hands. In what ways is travelling by public transport whil e adhering to strict social distancing guidelines during a worldwide pandemic very much like making love to a beautiful woman? These days it’s just swipe left, swipe right, bullseye! What’s the alternative? A face mask, some compostable carrier bags and a scented candle? Anyway, I object to the term “lure”, I prefer “court”. In fact, as it was my birthday, I made love to three women … and what turned out to be a goat with a hat on.įollowing #MeToo, is it still politically correct to lure women with the promise of fine wines, Belgian chocolates and the manly smell of a pipe?

In what ways is turning 26 very much like making love to a beautiful woman?įor me, turning 26 was very much like making love to a beautiful woman – because I spent the day making love to a beautiful woman. ‘Enjoy the ride’ … Charlie Higson as Swiss Toni.

White house down characters